by Wisteria

Wisteria cracked open an eyelid against the shaft of sunlight that had wormed its way in through the closed shutters. She made an inarticulate groan as she sat upright and began to rub her temples, the throbbing in her head almost an audible thud. Dust motes sparked in the sunbeam and as she squinted to pick out the individual specks her focus sharpened. There was an audible thud! However, it wasn’t inside her skull, it was coming from downstairs. Belting on a silk house robe Wisteria wandered over to the shutters and threw them open.

Naarl, the fat innkeeper, was banging on her door. Red in the face, his multitude of chins quivering each time his ham like fist pounded the wood, he did not look pleased. Sitting on the bench beside the door, examining the innkeeper with a bemused expression, was a halfling, clad from head to toe in black. Wisteria leaned out the window and tried to make out the position of the sun through the leafy canopy of her home. It wasn’t even midmorning yet, “What in the nine hells is the blasted man doing, waking me at this hour?” she thought to herself, “Kali isn’t even here yet.” Wisteria spotted a crust of bread and a half eaten apple still on her desk, she picked up the apple and bit into it, chewing thoughtfully as she ignored the innkeeper and examined the roadway.

A sprite came flying up the center of the road. Her wild, red curls barely contained under a checked kerchief, hands on her hips and eyes narrowed, she was the very image of indignation. “Naarl! Ye great ijedit!” the sprite flew around the human’s head twice and then stopped right infront of his nose, “Just what do ye kin ye be doing?” Wisteria smiled as the sprite nagged the innkeeper, and, apple in hand, went to go get dressed.

Wisteria came down the stairs into a scene of industrious chaos. The five sprites she had under her employ were all at work on a shimmering russet gown, all except Kali. Kali could be heard through the door that lead into the front of the shop. Wisteria pushed the door open to hear quite clearly, “The shirts don’t fit because ye be FATTER than when ye placed the blasted order, Naarl!”

“Lies! That sneaky wench who employs you made them too small! I’m not f-fat! Just solid!” the innkeeper blustered, “You go get her right now! I demand a refund, or that they be altered for free!”

“I’ll be doing no such thing, ye great walrus,” Kali wagged a warning finger at the inn keeper, “Ye get back on down to–”

“Kali, its quite alright,” Wisteria smiled and moved through the doorway. “Now, Naarl, what can I do for you, this fine morning?” she arched an eyebrow at the now red faced innkeeper.

“The shirts that I ordered are at least two sizes to small!” Naarl’s assorted chins quivered as he pulled an offending shirt out of the band of his apron. Wisteria gingerly took the offending piece from Naarl and shook it out infront of her. The once crisp, white, summer weight linen was horribly stained and in bad need of pressing. She held it up against Naarl’s ample girth and made had to bite her lips to keep from laughing aloud.

The shirt was small. Most likely too small for the innkeeper to get his arm in, let alone button up. Pushing an errant strand of hair behind a delicately pointed ear, Wisteria looked up at the obese human, “Well, sir, the shirt definitely wouldn’t fit you know would it? However,” she pointed at the sweat stains ringing the neck and armholes, and several yellowish marks on the front that looked like they were once mustard, “I did not sell it to you like this, and,” she attempted to fit a button into its respective hole, “unless you’ve more magic than I, these buttons didn’t grow. You shrunk it Naarl.”

Wisteria dropped the offending item on the floor, and turned on her heel, “WHAT!” Naarl shouted, blasting Kali backwards with his exclamation, “Shrunk it! I did bloody well, not!” Wings buzzing furiously Kali rubbed her eyes and winced as another foul wave of onion scented breath rolled over her.

“Then how come the buttons…”

“Pah!” Naarl spat, “The buttons work fine!” he picked the wrinkled shirt up off the floor and attempted to shove a button into a buttonhole. Grunting with exertion he strained and snapped the button in two, “More defective craftsmanship! Why I!” Kali snatched the shirt out of Naarl’s greasy hands before he could do more damage, “I oughta report you to the council! Filthy elves! Trying to,”

Wisteria held up a hand, stopping Naarl mid-rant, “Naarl, you shrunk the shirt, I explained to you when you purchased them that they would warp if not treated correctly, in fact, I remember imploring you to consider another type of material. Now they are ruined. Give them to your son. I’ll sew on new - smaller - buttons for two copper pieces each.” She planted her hands on her hips and exhaled sharply through her nose, “Secondly, I don’t live in town, so am not privy to the machinations of the council, much like,” she smiled warmly, “yourself, who built your inn a mile on the west side of town, to avoid such things.”

“Two coppers! Never!” Naarl, was losing steam though, panting and leaning against the counter.

Smoothing her hair out, and retying her kerchief, Kali flew back into his face, careful to keep far enough away to avoid his breath though, “What be all this about, Naarl. Ye blasted humans are enough to drive me mad any day, but this be a wee bit extreme, ye kin?”

“Fey!” Naarl wheezed, “never showing the proper respect to their betters.” Kali, poked Naarl with a very sharp bone needle she had clenched in her fist, “Ouch! What was that for!”

Kali narrowed her eyes, and Naarl sighed, lowering his, “Ahh, to hell with it. The council has decided that the town limits are to expand, encompassing my inn,” he looked at Wisteria imploringly, “I want to make a good impression on them, they were supposed to come next week, but I heard from my wife, who was in town buying gods knows what with my hard earned coin,” Naarl shook his head, chins jouncing again, “Woman will be the death of me, hardly anything to eat at home and she’s out buying trinkets!”

Kali snickered and started pulling back the curtains and propping open the front door, and chagrined, Naarl refocused, “Anyway,” he cleared his throat, “They’re coming tonight, Elf!” He nervously wrung his hands, “An, if I don’t make a decent impression, they might want to tax me or something! Imagine the gall! And, ever since I shrunk those shirts, I have nothing decent to wear!”

“So, you need something to wear, for tonight?”

“Erm, well, yes.”

Kali flew over to a wooden shelf and opened a basket. She took down a wax tablet and length of string. Wisteria pushed Naarl onto the fitting platform and Kali turned into a blur of motion, measuring the innkeeper, “What in the blazes are you doing, you’ve already got my measurements! I just want more of the same!”

Wisteria shook her head, “Won’t do, Naarl, as Kali says,” she gave a lopsided smile, “You’ve gotten fatter.”

“I have no-Yehouch!” Naarl’s words turned into a yelp, as the sprite ‘accidently’ stabbed him with a pin.

“Oops, stop moving ye ijeeedt, and I won’t poke ye.”

While Kali was busy measuring Naarl, the halfling sauntered inside. “Good morning, milady,” she gave Wisteria a roguish half-bow, “I was hoping to commission your services.”

“Halle!” Wisteria smiled, with genuine warmth, “What can I do for you?”

“Thief!” Naarl exclaimed, spotting the halfling, followed by “Ouch! Watch the pins, pixie!”

Kali mumbled, around a mouthful of needles, “Ahm ah spide nhad ah piheee” and stabbed him again.

“Halle? A Thief? Oh, you are mistaken, sir,” Wisteria gave Naarl an expression of pure innocence, and winked at the halfling, “You wouldn’t steal, now would you, love?”

“Of course not,” Halle smiled beatifically at the human.

“The-! Ouch! And a lia- Yeoow!”

Halle shrugged off her coat and pointed to a tear along a seam, “Seems I must have caught it on a nail, and not noticed.”

“Because you were too busy running, after I caught you stealing aleeeeeeeee….” Kali spun Naarl around on the platform several times.

“I see,” Wisteria examined the tear carefully and pulled out a needle and black silk thread from her sewing desk. “Won’t be a minute.” As she set to mending the coat, she leaned back at looked up at Naarl, “Now, its going to put a hitch in production for us to make you a decent outfit,” she tied off a stitch.

“Outfit, I just need a shirt!” Naarl exclaimed and glared at Halle, “Ale swiping halfl-ow!”

“You need a whole outfit, Naarl,” Wisteria tied off another stitch, “Four silvers, and we’ll deliver it before dinner”

“Preposterous! I need it before I leave! Three, and that’s including the buttons!”

“Seven if you want it before you leave, and eight coppers, for the four shirts that need new buttons, and they won’t be ready for a fortnight”

“Three silver and four copper! No more!”

“Three silver and you put up my niece for the week, and we deliver later today,” Wisteria finished the tear and tossed Halle her coat.

“You have a niece? Well, elves can’t eat that much,” Naarl muttered to himself and pursed his lips, “Done.”

Wisteria smiled and took the wax tablet with Naarl’s measurements from Kali, “Very well, Halle will come before dinner with your shirts, and give her a room with a view, eh?”

“WHAT! The halfling?! Never!”

Tilting her head to the side, Wisteria handed the tablet back to Kali, “No clothes then.”

“Well, pah! Fey! You’re all the same! Before dinner!” He squinted his beady eyes at Halle, “I’ll be watching you, Thief!”

“Oh?” Halle pulled up the hood of her cloak and vanished from sight, “I doubt that.”

Naarl stammered, “I I I will be!” he laid out three silvers on the counter and Wisteria pocketed them.

“Pleasure doing business with you.”

Naarl stomped out the door, muttering something about elves and gold, and how he was going to starve for lack of funds to buy bread.